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WHY?

When I was a sophomore at Florida State, my roommate and I wrote all over our walls. There were quite a variety of scribbles and when, as juniors, we came by to see who lived in our room, much of the marker was bleeding through the layers of paint we had tried to cover it with. I remember many of the things that were on our walls, but one sticks out most right now. In between the closet doors, vertically, Crackhead wrote in huge block letters, "WHY?"

That is the question of the day today. I learned yesterday that an acquaintance, a believer, had taken his own life. A 23 year old, who seemed to have everything in the world going for him, and who was literally in the same place in his life that I was 5 years ago. And so I ask, Why? Why does a Christian take their own life? Why did he do something that I, in the same position, never considered? Why wasn't his belief in God's goodness strong enough? Why did God allow this to happen to someone when it will have such far-reaching effects in His kingdom?

These are not theologically sound questions. I can give you a pat, theologically sound answer to a few of them, but that's not what I want. I want it all to be right; I want things to be the way they are supposed to be. I want people to really know the love of God; I want to really know the love of God. I want there to have been signs and someone to have seen them. I want all the hurt related to this to be healed, now.

I keep coming back to 2 things: But for the grace of God, so go I. And, as I was driving shortly after receiving this news, I heard a song for the first time. Though I can't remember the exact title, the gist of it is "Do you know how deeply you have been loved?" No, I don't. But, by the grace of God, I am learning. But why does it have to take suicide to make me see more of it?

posted by CP @ 9:35 PM 3 thoughts